A week from today(6 days, 5 hours and 45 minutes to be exact)I will be in Georgia for the opening session of Orange Conference 2010. To say that I am excited is an understatement. I still don't think it has set in yet that I am actually going. I got so excited earlier today when I got the link for the live broadcast of Orange 2010 and then I had to remind myself that I would actually be there.
As excited as I am, I am also terrified. I will let you in on a little secret, one that probably really isn't that much of a secret to those of you that really know me. For all the swagger and ego and self confidence that I seem to have, I am so very easily intimidated. I still have fears that at the opening session they are gonna sing the song I sing with the preschoolers that goes "One of these things is not like the other...." and then the spotlight will land on me.
I mean really, who am I kidding? I have no business in a room with people like Reggie Joiner, Donald Miller, Jim Wideman, Kendra Fleming...the list goes on and on. I am going to the official Orange Tweet Up Wednesday night where I will meet people who's blogs and tweets I have followed for the past year and who I feel like I already know. But seriously, what in the world would they have in common with me. I image that all conversations will start with small talk like..... "Where did you graduate from....how many campuses does your church have....how many thousand kids do you serve each week...which of your Ph.D's is your favorite" The thought of that numbs me.
I don't even have the words to express the passion I have for serving in Children's Ministry and how much I have fallen head over heels in love with our church and it's people. I have this crazy dream for kids and their families, one that I know has to have come from God, because I'm just not that brave or bold on my own. But still, there is so much fear in owning that and letting other's know about it. There is an accountability that comes with spending three days with the most brilliant minds in family ministry.... and it is overwhelming.
I really want this experience to be transformational for me. I don't want it to be about changing to be more like a book or buying into a "system", but truly and honestly changed. And not like Jr. High church camp changed. The real thing that lasts more than a weekend.
I know that in order for this experience at Orange 2010 to really impact me, I am gonna have to get over the fact that alone, I really don't belong there. There is nothing that I have or ever will do that will warrant be being in such incredible company. I get that. I need constantly reminded that it most definitely isn't about me.
My prayer is that even though I know I will say dumb stuff and look out of place and at least once or twice have the urge to retreat due to just being overwhelmed, that I will take in every second of it and not just be there, but really BE there. And I pray that God, who most defiantly has a crazy sense of humor, will use the things that I learn about ministry and the things that I learn about myself during this time to move in ways that right now I'm unable to even fathom.
I can't wait.
