Paint By Numbers

Even as a little girl, I loved to create.
Paper, crayons, paint.
Anything that could be transformed.
Anything that could be made into something else.
Some of my favorite things to do were paint by numbers.

There was something magical about that white paper canvas.
Segmented into tiny shapes.
Individual boxes.
Each waiting to be filled. Waiting to be changed.
Waiting to be turned into something beautiful.

As an adult, my life mirrors that paper canvas.

Unrefined.
Blank.
Unfinished.
Numbered.
Segmented.

[63] [12] [73] [262]
[3] The age Isaak was diagnosed with Autism [6] [14]
[180] The number of pills he takes each month [9] [122]
[80] Estimated divorce rate among parents with Autistic child [2] [17]
[7] [18] The age kids go off to college...most kids...probably not ours [262] [4]

Numbers. Boxes

Segmented.
Individual.
Stand alone.
Isolated.
Sterile.

Until you begin to add color.

Each box begins to fill.
Each color merges into the one next to it.
Shapes turn into objects.
It begins to be something else.
It begins to be something different.

Cohesive.
Connected.
Interdependent.
Consecutive.
Coherent.

Transformed by the hand on someone.
One with a plan.
One who knew the color scheme.
One who took the time to color within the lines.
One that changes things.

Meticulous.
Aesthetic.
Imaginative.
Intact.
Whole.

A painting.
Not just a painting. A masterpiece.
Brush strokes that on their own are not beautiful.
In fact, some are ugly.
A piece of art created for the purpose of being shown.

Not created by someone. Created by the Creator.

I Love You Lord

There have been so many times, when in a room surrounded with 30+ kids...
kids that are loud and don't always pay attention,
kids that need to be reminded to stay in their seats, to raise their hand, reminded to use their inside voices,
kids that need reminded over and over and over again....

It's in this space that I have met God in a way that I have never experienced before.

We have been learning a new song, Children and Kings, by Gungor.




If you don't think that kids get it.
If you don't think they are grown up enough or sophisticated enough or mature enough to really get it.
If you have ever thought that what happens in a room full of kids isn't really church....
isn't really worship....
isn't really that important....

Well, you have never stood in the back of the room and watched kids sing out these words...
"I Love You Lord"...
And not just sing them.
Mean them.

You have never watched a 4 year old little girl close her eyes and lift up her hands as she sang.
Not because she saw someone else do it first.
Not because she knew she was supposed to.
But because she was made to love Him.
Because her heart knows no other way than to lose herself in a song about loving Him.

It is easy to separate us.
To divide us into groups.
Adults. Students. Kids.
And all for very good reasons.

The truth is that in the end...
we all singing the same song.

Some Thoughts About Lent....

I gotta be honest with you and tell you that until about a month ago, I really had no idea what lent even was. I knew it was a time when people gave up things, but that was the extent of it.

I grew up in a church where the Easter season began on Palm Sunday and included Maundy Thursday foot washing and an Easter Sunday sunrise service and breakfast. It took far longer for us to pick out what we were going to wear on Easter then it did to prepare our hearts for it.

This year is different. This year I am totally embracing lent for what it is. A time to confess my sins, to make changes in my life to ensure that those bad habits and behaviors are less likely to reappear and a time to prepare for what is about to come.

I do remember when I was younger and kids in school would give up bubble gum or Coke for lent. For them, I am sure that was a sacrifice. I know lots of people who are fasting from those things in order to spend more time with God or to donate the money that they would have spent on those things to a charity. God knows their hearts and they know what God has called them to give up.

But I know me.

If I am anything, I am predictable and I know how that would play out. I would give up Diet Pepsi for lent and spend the next 40 days lamenting about my withdraw. I would complain about it on Facebook and gain some encouragement from those that would spur me on, reminding me that I was fasting from caffeine for the Lord and that he would bless me for my sacrifice.

The sacrifice of going without Diet Pepsi each day when nearly half of the people in the world don't even have clean water to drink.

Easter Sunday would come and I would spend the next few days in a caffeine induced inebriation as I binged to make up for the last 40 days.

In the end, I would not come out of lent any different than I went into it. Still the same person that resists God at every turn and is constantly looking for a way to follow God on my own terms. Looking for the easy way.

To fast from, what to most people is a luxury, just doesn't seem to be what God is leading me to do.


Trust me, I have picked enough fights with God to know better. He always wins. Always.

And so this year, I have chosen to fast on the things in my life that continue to distract me from God. Instead, I will feast on the ways that God is constantly pulling me towards him. Looking for me, searching for me, longing for me to back to him.

I will fast from becoming so absorbed in this life of mine, from being the center of my own world. Instead of texting or talking on the phone while I am in public, I will stop and have a genuine conversation with the person behind the checkout counter. I will feast on human interaction. I will feast on the power of eye contact. Of a smile. I will feast on connecting with people, not because I think I have something to give to them, but because that is how God created us. I will feast on hearing other people's stories.

I will fast from being so busy or selfish that when someone shares a need with me, I tell them I will pray for them. Instead, I will feast on spending time with them and with God in that moment. Not praying for them. Praying with them.

I will fast from the words that cut people. Words that, even when whispered and in private, shred away at who a person is. Instead, I will feast on speaking loud. Letting everything that comes from my mouth be an encouragement and not a slap in the face. I will chose my words carefully at times and at other times, I will not censor what God is telling me to say simply because I don't want to overstep my boundaries or get something started.

I will fast from using God. From going to him after my own best efforts have failed. For treating him as that person that only gets an occasional update from me, not because I want them to know about my life, but because I feel obligated to. Instead, I will feast on spending time with God. Instead of reaching for my iPhone in the morning to see what I missed during the night, I will feast on going first to my Heavenly Father, to thank him for the safety of another night and the blessing of another day.

I am looking forward to this time of intentional disruption in order to make changes that are long past due.

What about you? What are you getting rid of in your life during lent in order to make room for the life God has planned for you?