186 Minutes

186 minutes doesn't seem that long, it is only a bit over three hours, but today it might as well be a lifetime. 186 minutes ago I said goodbye to Isaak at school for his first day of 1st grade. His first day of all day school, my first day to be without him all day. In the weeks leading up to today, I have been excited about him starting school. I have been looking forward to the break, longing for it at times. Today I am not at all excited, but instead sad and worried and just a little bit lonely.



I was sure he would want me to walk him in to school today, but not the case. He really wanted me to just drop him off and drive away. Leave him all there by himself to find his way to his class? What if he got lost? Went into the wrong class? Spent the whole day in 6th grade before somebody noticed he was in the wrong place.



What if he is scared? What if he is not making new friends? What if he had to play alone at recess? Can he get his shirt tucked in and belt fastened back all by himself? This is his first time eating lunch at school and he decided to take his lunch today. What if he is still hungry? What if he spills something all over him? Can you get salmonella poisoning from peanut butter and jelly?



All of these worries numb me and what I really want to do is jump in the car, drive to the school and steal just a glimpse of him. Just to check on him, make sure he is alright.

But I won't.

Instead I will spend the day offering little prayers of protection and safety for him and sanity for myself. I know he will be OK and I will be to, in about 225 minutes when it is time to pick him up.