Ifs

Ifs.

What if I ......?

Lately this question has been playing over and over again in my head. From the most open areas of my life to the most personal, what if.......

what if I.....what if he.....what if we.....what if I would have......what if I didn't.........what if it was 10 years ago.......what if...........?

Just when I think that I might be getting it all together, this happens. It always does. I begin to question everything. The question of "what if" becomes something that I obsess over, feeling like I have to know the answer in order to move on.

How do I figure out the answer to a question that doesn't always have one?

I keep waiting to grow up, to move beyond this searching stage, to find contentment. It hasn't happened yet. I hope it does.

I guess there is a good reason why this is one of my favorite sayings:

"If ifs were fifths, we'd all be drunk!"