No one can fathom....

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:18-31

I really love this verse. I love the comfort that it offers, the assurance that it brings, but most of all, I love that it calls me out EVERY time. The truth is I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I can handle that all by myself. I can throw a pity party like no one else.

No body understands how it feels.
No one understands the hurt.
No body knows what it is like to live this life of mine.

This verse shows up right in the middle of my party for one and guts me.

Today was awful. Brutal even. Isaak lost control of himself at the dentist office and we left behind a path of destruction. There were those looked on in disgust, some in pity, others in fear. His behavior goes against everything that we as adults know how to deal with. There is no reasoning, no waiting it out, no calming him down. At that minute, the most you can do is hold him so he doesn't hurt himself, me or anyone else.

I've been trained how to restrain him so that he doesn't hurt me physically. I've yet to figure out a way to protect my heart.

It hurts. More than hurts, it crushes me.

I'll be honest, in those moments it is impossible for me to think that there could be anything redeeming about the hurt. That there could be anything good that could come from it.

That God is even there at all. In my mind and in my heart, I convince myself that God has turned his face, not because he doesn't care, but because maybe he cares so much that he can't bear to watch it.

And then I read this.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

His understanding no one can fathom. On the days where I just want someone to understand how I feel. His understanding no one can fathom.

Today was awful. But I wasn't alone. And I will be OK. Not because I am strong. In fact,in spite of how weak I am. The Everlasting God. The Creator of the ends of the earth. Not alone, but held. Held by The One who, in those times, doesn't turn his face but instead leans in as close as he can and just waits with me.

I am thankful to be reminded of that today. Incredibly thankful.