More Like A Shuffle

I have convinced myself that what I do, what I say, how I live is fine.
It's not like it is bad.
I just do what everyone else does.
No one gets hurt.

Realizing that someone does get hurt has been hard.
Especially when the person getting hurt is the One that loves me the most.
Love beyond comprehension.

Today I made another tiny little step towards the life that I long for.
Maybe less of a step.
More like a shuffle.
Too small of a movement to even be noticed.
Unnoticeable by all but One.
The One that cares the most.

I am anxious to take that big step.
The one that everyone sees.
Everyone notices.
Anxious and scared
Scared of the imprint left beind when I actually do move.

So many questions and fears about what is to come.
More questions and fears about what happens if it doesn't.
Is that tiny step enough to even matter?
Less of a step.
More like a shuffle.