On Your Mark, Get Set......

Go!!!!!

Black Friday is almost here!!! Some people train months for marathons and Super Bowls, I train for the biggest shopping day of the year. Since I am an expert in this field I thought I would offer a few tips for the amateurs out there. Now pay attention as these could very well save your life if caught in a mob of early morning shoppers.

1. Go early or stay home. They don't call them door buster deals for nothing. If you are not there when they open at 4a.m., then just don't bother.

2. Be prepared. If you go in there not sure where you are going or what you are looking for you are going to be devoured. Professionals such as myself get the Black Friday ads online a week in advance and have our list prepared. I like to go to the stores on Wednesday night to see where everything on my list is. The retailers can be just a bit tricky with where they locate high demand items. It might seem extreme to some, but this extra step could make the difference between you getting that top selling item to give as a gift or giving a fruit cake. Once you make your plan stick to it. They will try to woo you and confuse you by sparkly things and big sale signs, but don't fall for it. Get in, get the deals, get out and move on to the next store.

3. Dress for success. This is no time to look cute or hip. Tennis shoes are a necessity as well as dressing in layers that are easy to remove, but not too bulky to carry. Oh yeah, and leave your coat in the car. As cold as it might be to stand in line outside Kohl's at 3:45 a.m., you will be glad you are not wearing it or trying to carry it while you are standing in line for an hour waiting to pay.

4. Refuel often. This is no day for diets or eating healthy. A serious work out like this needs serious stamina. Just as marathon runners carb load before a race, I like to Diet Pepsi load early, then follow that by a Cinnabon a few hours in. The right combination of food and drink can make or break the day. You need to stay hydrated, but the last thing you want is to discover you need to potty really bad when you are 10 minutes from the front of the line and 45 minutes from the back of the line.

5. Know your limits. Don't be embarrassed if by 5 pm you are exhausted and sleep deprived. You can not expect to be a pro over night. If you must call it an early night, congratulate yourself on your accomplishment and remember that there is always Saturday door busters and Cyber Monday.

6. Finally, remember to be nice. Make friends with the people in line around you. You are going to be spending the next 30-90 minutes with them, why not chat a bit. It might just so happen that you forgot something on your list and they will hold your place in line while you run and get it. Be polite and gracious to the store employees. When you ask them if they have more Tickle Me Elmo's in the back, they might actually look if you ask them nicely. Remember it is not the cashiers fault that you stood in line for 90 minutes or that your item did not ring up the right price. They just scan it and push the buttons. Give them a break and a smile. If you are going to complain about the line or the enormous number of people, go home.

Stay strong, stay focused and you will be alright....hopefully.

Grateful

I was running just a few minutes late to pick Isaak up from school the other day when I took a "short" cut through a neighborhood only to get stopped behind a school bus. As I waited and waited I could not imagine what was taking so long for this kid to get off the bus. Seconds turned to what seemed like hours before I got the first glimpse of the boy. He had crutches that fit around his arms and as he would move one crutch up the driveway, his leg would drag behind. Each step was labored and deliberate. As I watched him struggle I could almost feel the pain of each movement. All of the sudden, my problems did not seem so big.

I have spent the last few weeks so immersed in feeling sorry for myself that I have lost sight on just how blessed I am. This situation with Isaak is bad, but it is not the end of the world. I am so grateful for a God that lets me pout and waits patiently for me to come back to him. I am also so thankful for my family. I love them so much and when I consider that the love that I have for them can not even compare to the love that God has for them I feel such comfort. I know that we are living in the midst of his plan for us and that his ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and thank you for your comments and prayers. I pray that as you celebrate Thanksgiving you will be near those you love and that you will be reminded of just how much God loves you. Grace and peace be with you all!!

Heartbroken

These past few months have been very hard on our family. Isaak turned 7 in October, and with his birthday came a heartbreaking realization that he is not going to "outgrow" his autism. Isaak's official diagnosis is "autism with co morbid bipolar disorder". That is a lot of terminology to use for a seven year old.

This isn't just a phase or a stage. It is his life, therefore it is our life. This thing, this autism, it is incurable. We can never love him enough or spoil him enough or wish it away enough for it to leave. We have prayed and prayed and begged and pleaded with God, but it is still here.

The one thing that I hate more than anything in this world lives in one that I love the most. I am having a very hard time dealing with that.

I see all of these other families around me and I am so jealous of the life that they live now and the future that they will have. Autism didn't just take something away from Isaak, but it stole something from me. It took away that chance for me to be the mom that I had always dreamed of. As much as I tell myself that I am mad at the situation, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am mad at God. I am mad the He let this happen, that He would let a 7 year old be so conflicted in his mind. I know intellectually that God did not "do" this to him or us, but it is hard to tell that to my emotions.

It took me 5 years to get pregnant with Isaak and when I found out I was finally pregnant it was truly a dream come true, but why did it have to end there. I know that so many people would read this and think that it is terrible to have these feelings, that I should just be thankful that God gave us a child at all. I can understand that viewpoint, but you have not lived this life. It is hard for a mom that isn't in my shoes to know what it is like to have your child look at you and yet you know it is not them that is looking back. When Isaak is cycling it isn't him that is there. Isaak is sweet, caring, loving, nurturing and a good friend. This other boy is mean, hateful, destructive, aggressive, deceitful and angry. We live half of our lives with this stranger and the other half waiting in fear of his return.

I know that I am rambling, but it has been a very long and hard day. I got called to school today because Isaak got in trouble for lying to his teacher ( again) and because he had been in trouble before, today he had to get a spanking from the principle. I have never felt so terrible. I had to sit in the office while I heard him screaming and crying, knowing what was going to happen. After his spanking they called me in and he just looked confused. It is a look that I will never, for the rest of my life, ever forget. I know, in my head that it was the right thing to do, but my heart is broken.

I keep coming back to the word of this song......

I waited for you today, but you didn't show..
I needed you today, so where did you go...
You told me to call, you said you'd be there...
I cried out with no reply and I can't feel you by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, you're here and I'm never alone