Our Wednesday night Crazy Love class has been awesome. I really don't want it to end. Last week Pastor Troy talked about being raw. What would it look like if we were really raw with God, uncensored and real. This is what I wrote that night. This is tough for me because it goes against the image that I have worked so hard to create....but this is raw..
May 27th
Sometimes I look in the mirror and the life that you have given me is so foreign from what I had planned that I am sure it is a mistake.
Unrecognizable.
You knew my dreams. You knew how much I had planned for this. You let me plan and dream for 5 years. You let me dream and then ignored them.
I envy those with normal. I long for one day of normal. I hate normal because of how abnormal that is for him.
I have tried to listen, tried to hear you through all of this. I can't. My life is so loud that I can't hear you. I have held my hands so tightly over my ears, closed my eyes and waited....I didn't hear you.
There are days when this thing between us feels so one sided. I show up every morning, I don't have a choice. I am there, but I'm not sure you are. I'm here, but here alone.
I want to hear you, to see you. I want it so much, but you are gonna have to scream.
2 comments:
Heather - I can only imagine how hard that was to publish for others to see. It's hard to be vulnerable sometimes. I've been in that vulnerable position before - not the same as you - but with my own unique set of problems. Thanks for sharing. We're praying for you and love you! (It's weird to say "we" but Mike loves you too because I love you and he loves me... if you can follow that logic!)
Heather, thank you for this. We're with you. We're clinging to the words of Jesus in John 14 - "I will not abandon you." Some days that is very real. Some days we pray it as an act of faith.
Post a Comment